Let It Be.

blank blank head

2011-07-19T20:29:00.002+08:00

the season of problems has arrived! and as usual, let's join the emo-ness! =.="

of needless emotions.

2011-06-19T04:21:00.004+08:00

i found out today that lotsa juniors were annoyed with the stethoscope status i put on fb in april. long time ago weyh. gile outdated. haha.
basically i said something about ppl parading stethoscope around the neck in college and hospital. i wasn't referring to anyone in particular, but i guess they had had too much chilli in their meal.

chronologically it happened this way:
1.i saw some ppl on fb posting pictures with stethoscope on neck,
2.it reminded me of a few fellas who really like parading around stethoscope/ lab coats/ scrubs/ etc wherever they go,
3.hence the remark.

so basically, these juniors had their photoshoot session that day, so maybe they like flaunting stethoscope in pic, which i don't give a crap about lah. i see nothing wrong with taking pictures with stethoscope.
and and i was saying it in a joking manner. why were people annoyed then? hahaha.

i found out they were saying that we're immature la, this la that la. i dunno whether those were referring to me or the comments below the status.

but my point is, that's the problem with people nowadays.
someone makes a remark, and suddenly it's about them.
somehow innocent remarks can become offensive, racist, sexist, politically incorrect, etc.

why eh?

why can't people just stop and say, 'he's referring to other people kot?'
or maybe, 'let him speak his mind, he might have a point somewhere.'

i guess we all must learn to be less emotional.

this feeling was priceless.

taiping oh taiping!

2011-06-12T21:52:00.003+08:00

the problem with some individual is, they think what they are what they are not.

for example. you say you're open minded but when someone states their opinion, you say it's old fashioned, obsolete and too conservative. so are you open minded?

how about, saying you're not a hypocrite, but jump to another clique the moment you have an exaggerated argument with your friend, and suddenly starting talking, dressing, and walking like the people you bitched about regularly i.e. the new clique. so aren't you a hypocrite?

that's why i think that you shouldn't say, "i'm a [adjective] guy."

we should always be humble and say, "i think i'm usually a [adjective] guy."

it applies when we talk about people too. who are we to label people this and that? immigrations? haha.

at the moment i'm kinda pissed off with people who creates unnecessary tension between people. it's so irksome to see that their problems could be solved with a simple toning down of ego. alpha females la these few girls. kepala macam batu.

so i was in taiping for 2 weeks. quite a nice town.
i realized that even though i still want to do medic, i'm totally and utterly bored out of my mind with this life. i feel really burnt out with college. really looking forward to electives next year.

random kellie's castle and lumut trip with two cuties =]

i want iPad =[

2011-05-17T22:44:00.003+08:00

i don't really like techy stuff but these days i find it really useful. teringin ipad la. i don't know whether it's nafsu or a genuine need to have something new to motivate me to study. i'll find out after i get one la.

but where to get the money??!!!

i really hate it when ppl say money isn't everything. those people are either stupid or already have enough money. money isn't worth chasing till you ignore family and all la, but it's still very very important for a happy life.

today was too relaxing. woke up at noon. lunch. ps3. dinner. weather is gloomy the whole day. really needed a day off from hospital. on monday, was in the hospital from 630am till 5pm. so tiring.

i just found out someone in my batch has a breast lump. getting it checked soon. good thing is it's painful so most probably not malignant.
to think about it, at this point, you'd realize that some people will have all this diseases that only close friends know. in college, there's breast lump la, PCOS la, bipolar la, chronic migraine la, chronic tonsilitis, uterine cyst..... all close friends. how abt those not close to me? there's bound to be many other people with health problems.

seeing how diseases affect people really makes me wanna be a good doctor.

hence i want an iPad. haha.

isn't she cute?

zzzzzzzz....

2011-04-26T20:55:00.001+08:00

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sometimes...

2011-04-25T20:22:00.003+08:00

you forget. nuff said.

i really don't like it when people speak out of place and embarrass other people in public. anything that can be done discreetly must be done so.

happened to me once last year when i was organising a badminton event for class.

but then sometimes when you do things you don't like to other ppl, don't hesitate to say sorry. today, out of frustration, i hurt someone's feelings with words that i admit would hurt me too if they were directed to me.

i apologized.

i feel good =]

i like it when you can talk things through with people. at this age, i guess diplomacy is usually then best solution, provided that someone is mature and open minded to your explanation.

anyway, when i was feeling down due to my stupid action, i just call my best friend and it all feels okay.

14 years and counting, brother.

this morning i had 2 papers for psychiatry. wasn't that bad i think. i don't know why i can never really grasp pharmacology. why laaa must give stupid names for drugs.

lucraby

2011-04-24T12:09:00.002+08:00

seriously, if i'm capable financially, i'd go to san diego right now.

miss her so much =[

to be honest, i envy ppl who has a productive hobby. what makes it better if their hobby gives them something back in return. like those fellas on youtube that makes videos and get paid for it.

i wish i had a lucrative hobby.

but the thing is, knowing myself, hobby yg tak lucrative pun tak buat2 lagi. haha.

freeze

2011-04-23T12:37:00.003+08:00

it's been quite a frustrating 2 years if i see myself in the academic point of view.
i do care enough to want to be a good doctor, but doing nothing to strive for it.
i see HOs not even knowing what CTG stands for. damn i don't wanna be like that.
i always pressure myself to do things properly when given a job.
but somehow at the moment, the pressure to be a good doctor isn't kicking in.
what kind of motivation do i need?

two days to go for my psychiatry posting exam.
it's nothing significant, but i wish i can take it seriously though.
i remember the times when i studied consistently and exams were so easy.
i don't remember being this lazy =.=

anyway, during MITC posting, luckily my group got the chance to give ATT to school kids.
has it been 5 years since i left school? haha. such a long time!
it was fun talking to kids though.
so at the moment, i like psychiatry, community medicine and teaching.
2 more years, then insyaAllah housemenship.
got a mail from san diego yesterday. liewliew said she was still trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life.
what do you wanna do with your life?

I get by...

2011-04-22T01:53:00.001+08:00

with a little help from my friends :)

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i really need to pee

2011-04-21T19:59:00.003+08:00

but i'll write this down 1st. haha.

today sally clerked a patient who had a brain tumor removal operation. he had parkinsonian syndrome, had schizophrenia before the tumor was diagnosed, and now bedridden. he has incontinence but only wants his dad to change the bed sheet for him, hence the thick stench of pee when we were beside him.

situations like this you wouldn't know what to say. numb.

psychiatry exam is around the corner. you wouldn't hear me whine about exams anymore i think. had enough of that already. i just wanna love doing what i do.

talking about love.....
... ..... ......
......
hmmmmm......
i think at the moment, what i think about love is, it's a fairy tale. i realise i love a lot of ppl, with all my heart. i love my family. i love my friends.

but,
i just can't find anyone who can sweep me off my feet. metaphorically.

anyway. pic of the day =]

yes that IS my pee i'm testing. smells like flower okay.

Tanjung Piandang '11

2011-04-20T05:41:00.001+08:00

I dunno why I like editing photos these days. Went to this place earlier this year. Cheap delicious seafood. Priceless view of sunset.

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after 2 years.

2011-04-19T20:45:00.004+08:00

i didn't realize it has been that long. 2 freaking years!! haha. if there's even one soul who still comes back here now and then, i'd be more than flattered. haha.

lotsa new blogsites around now. ppl keep asking me to change. tumblr la, this la that la. but i figure since i don't blog much, why bother.

change. i guess lotsa things have changed compared to 2009. ipoh obviously is more homey now. heck i even tell ppl i'm from ipoh. and technically speaking, when you've stayed here for more than 3 years, this IS your home. some ppl live in the delusion that where their parents live is their home. don't they realize they spend 5/7 of their year in ipoh even if they go back every weekend? haha.

delusions. i am currently in my psychiatric posting. i swear to God anyone can be a psychiatric patient.

all in all, these two years, socially it's been quite fulfilling. academically, quite disappointing.

oh and i'm single! hahaha. so things with liya didn't work out. well. i dunno whether she changed too much or i did. but i guess it's true they said long distance relationship sucks. sucks even more if there's a breakdown in communications. well at least we tried working it out for nearly a year.

cracks

2009-09-01T20:18:00.002+08:00

the emotional wall i built consistently since 3 years back is cracking bad. there's a module exam tmr yet i'm still......... drowning in an ocean of mixed emotions.

i never failed any exams in my life b4 i think. i have a feeling i'll fail this test. i hope not. but i have a feeling i will.

maybe its because i'm depressed about kak aila's death. but somehow, all those regrets, those heart breaking moments, the annoyance, the anger, the sadness abt everything since highschool till now are intermittently flashing through my mind.

hiatus

2009-08-29T22:41:00.003+08:00

i think i won't be writing much till things in my life becomes more stable...

kak aila passed away a fortnight ago...
i haven't cried for i dunno how many years, but my tears fall freely for you my dear cousin. i love you. i'm angry with myself that i wasn't there when they bury you. i promise i'll visit you soon.

it really surprises me how friends can be so cruel... i've been trying hard to fit in with this crowd in ipoh... but however good i treat ppl, i get shit thrown at me. in my face.
i miss my frens back home...

i find that ppl back home are more sensitive. at least my friends are. ppl here in ipoh just don't give a shit. ppl around me now just hurt feelings and smile abt it. konon la smayang lima waktu tapi prangai dgn manusia terok.
dosa dgn allah boleh diampuni, dosa dgn manusia allah tak ampunkan, org tu sendiri kena maafkan.

reading more news these days kinda agitate me. stupid ppl around the world hurting each others feelings. stupid newspapers reporting it.

did 3 presentations this week. everything went well. but did lose a lot of sleep.

i know that ppl do not represent religion. but the hypocrites around me is making me lose my faith. not the core of it though.

my emotional and mental state is still unstable.

oh and i love katie perry.

edit* KATY perry. haha.

lame is pain.

2009-07-30T07:47:00.003+08:00

for the 1st time in my life, being lame has made me hated by ppl!!!!! i'm fucking serious!!!

hahaha... also because i butted in some angry ppl's discussion la. my bad my bad.

story is, right now the 3rd year medical students(my seniors) are in a war of words. cos apparently some got humiliated by some not-so-smart batchmates in front of juniors.

and the funny part is, that war is between the males and the females!!!
what? what is this? highschool??? hahahhaa..

and so they were all using facebook as a medium to taunt each other and all. facebook kan, its a bloody PUBLIC PAGE. so i thought, if them ppl wanna post something, everyone can comment right?

wrong! hahaha... cos what i posted sounds so 'geli' according to some of them. hahahahhaa.... FUNNY SHIT!! this was what i posted.

''take me, to the magic of the moment on a lonely night, where the children of tmr dream awaaaayyy... in the winds of change....
eh. salah post. chillax la wahai kawan2 ku sekalian.
silalah TIDAK bertegur siapa sehingga api kemarahan dua2 pihak sudah reda. itu lah yg sebaiknya.''

its a fucking scorpion song wei!!! and i was being LAME!!

and the reply was:
''cop2..asal tetiba ada parya menyelit..?''

''maksud aku parya yg ntah dtg dari mana2 ntah..bukan batch aku pon..tetibe lak menyelit...''

''haha..sedar pon yg ko tue parya..pukimak hyder parya.. ko jgn nk bajet cool dpn kitorg..jgn nk buat2 kamceng lak..menyebok cm anak haram.. pukimak nyer parya..blah gie mampos...''

''ko ley x kalo nk nyampok pon jgn pos komen yg trhegeh2??? x yah la nk over frenly sgt ye pon..kami (dak boys phs 2) suma bca komen ko pon irritatin la..geli nk mmpos ..pls2''

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA... HILARIOUS!!

1st off, bajet cool?!
2nd, buat2 kamceng?!
3rd, parya?!
4th, GELI??!
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha. i swear to god i'm laughing like mad now.

thus officially,

being lame has made me hated by, i daresay 20-30 ppl?

cool aye?
for the record, i'm used to be hated so i don't really give a damn.

my college is so funny la. hahaha.

nway on a less funny note, i'm supposed to be in class now but i bangun lambat. aiyoyo.
and i'm going to langkawi nxt week. and and.. i have to catch up with studies. and....i'm supposed to pay brendan!

hyder the lame-o :]

people come, people go

2009-07-28T22:33:00.003+08:00

everyone knows that in life some things will eventually fade, replaced by a some other brightness. even stars fade.

the problem is, even if you know and understand and accept the idea that ppl come and go, it's still heartbreaking when it happens.

this is to someone who was practically my life. we were so close i thought we'd stay friends forever. laughing when we're old, thinking abt the younger days. not meeting for a few years but still can converse as if we see each other every day. etc.

how naive i am. i guess things change. if your concept of friendship is like this, then i just have to accept it.

thank you for everything. be happy =]

semi-charmed kinda life.

2009-07-24T02:33:00.003+08:00

class started, moved into new house, still not done unpacking, slacking off in studies, problems with certain friends... its been a long three weeks.

and to think that a close friend would announce on facebook that she hates me and i'm a pig after deleting me from her list of friends.... utterly disappointing.

oh well. i tried fixing it. didn't work.

got myself a dream-catcher and it's greeeeen ^.^

my new room is fully furnished, yet still not a conducive-for-study environment.

no pics yet, cos sucky as it is, celcom broadband does not reach this area. goddamn ipoh.

maybe its an annual thing, cos in the same month every year i manage to get new ppl to hate me. haha.

still feeling a lil messed up abt life, and hopefully everything will fall into place soon =]

i miss selangor already.

happyness

2009-07-05T20:35:00.003+08:00

few more days to ipoh. hmmm... went to this wedding. quite a grand one, makes you wanna get married quick. but when you think again... marriage..... erm.... overrated lah.

also, cheer 2009. crowd was just like every year. fun la. but very noisy. not my kinda thing.
calyx got the best dress award, runners up for best make up. and third place overall. congrats!
but i didnt see any teachers from CHS. so sad. luckily wei zhe, kahjun, emilia and hui jing were there too, if not i would've felt really out of place!

last but not least. happy one year anniversary sayang. i can't believe you can put up with me for one whole year ^.^

i love you =]

holiday blues...

2009-07-04T00:23:00.004+08:00

i can't believe holidays are gonna be over soon =.= damn it.

nways it was a fulfilling one, albeit unsatisfying.

another week and back to the books.

its quite annoying, the feeling of hanging between holidays and studying days...

holiday hang over mood gonna be activated real sooon...

bunch of us at krispy kremes, supposedly-famous-yet-i-never-heard-of-restaurant.

2009-07-01T11:09:00.002+08:00

my love, i've forgotten if they're green or they're blue.. but your eyes are still the sweetest i've ever seen.

random

2009-06-25T13:10:00.004+08:00

in UIA compound with ina, dilla and nabiha. that explains the shawls :p

trailer blocking the road in old klang road yesterday. cool.

out

2009-06-24T10:02:00.002+08:00

tired la these past few days. have been home sleeping and watching DVDs. haha.
also due to the fact that i'm outta cash =.=

2009-06-20T18:01:00.003+08:00

though everything seems to fall into place, i'm still feeling a lil messed up.

my brain is like scrambled egg now.

nway will be going to ipoh tomorrow morning.

edit;

plan on monday is postponed till july 6th. so annoying la changing plans. messing up the already messed up mind. sigh. anything lah.

2009-06-15T08:41:00.002+08:00

i seriously dunno why this keeps on happening. sigh. am i the confused one?
would i do the same if i'm in his shoes? i think i would.

so why am i so sad? cause it keeps on happening, or because it just feels different now?

what can i do to be more likable?

4 in 1

2009-06-14T09:16:00.004+08:00

aite. haven't been online much to blog sinceb4 going to ipoh. so the story was, went to ipoh last week friday, alor setar and back to ipoh on saturday, penang and back to ipoh on monday, meeting on science camp in kl on tuesday, started science camp job on wednesday, done with job on saturday(yesterday).

godammit i'm exhausted. i was in FOUR states in ONE week. oh well.

science camp was fun la. taking care of the kids made me feel so old. sighness. thats one more fear to add on my phobia list. Gerascophobia. buuuut... the camp was fun nontheless.

murphy's law was happening to me again yesterday. btu luckily half of em got solved quickly. so lets hope life'll be smooth again =]

some pic from the camp.

crunch crunch.

2009-06-02T23:23:00.002+08:00

enjoy enjoy tak ingat dunia. now wallet drying up fast goddammit! sebulan lagi holiday ni. camne nak enjoy!? argh! hahaha. aite. no more eating like a pig. all money is devoted to phone bills and petrol to travel. huahuahua.

acrophobic.

2009-06-01T04:31:00.004+08:00

i have been acrophobic, cynophobic and atychiphobic as long as i can remember .
i'm still scared of failure. not very much scared of dogs anymore. but heights...... erm.... still getting weak knees.

but trying to be adventurous (and also because friends invited me), yesterday i went rock-climbing. whoo hoo... not. heart [and knees] telling me not to go, but the lil voice in my head called Eee-Gowh said go ahead. so i went to shah alam.

from far it looked no that high la. so i thought. wth i can do this!!

but from near..... weak i the knees again... but NVM! Eee-gowh is here to help!!

panjat 6 kali, jatuh dua kali. okayyy la kann??
haha. the nice thing was to reach the top and look down, and realised you defied your fear. nah, in your face, acrophobia! haha.

two words to describe it: SATISFYING SHIT. hahaha.

happy meal.

2009-05-30T18:23:00.002+08:00

holiday is passing by too swiftly. daym. but i'm too tired to type it out. one thing for sure is, i've been eating like a pig. haha. happy leh my stomach now( and big, of course). but somehow, i do miss ipoh too =] i now have a new house, new housemates. but haven't moved in yet. trying to catch up with certain ppl who were part of my life. but i guess ppl let go of friendship quite easily for stupid reasons. haihz.

my two favorite girls in ipoh.

2009-05-24T20:48:00.002+08:00

genting was really fun...

but i miss my girl so much i had to hump a battery.

look at all these hyder-wannabes. hahaha. i taw la shades i best :p

busy, busy, i'm so tipsy.

2009-05-22T11:43:00.003+08:00

aite. its been tiring but fun nonetheless.

came back here on monday. tuesday visited grandaunts and sending off my sayang to penang. wednesday was at genting the whole day. thursday hung out with iylman and rye+her friends; watched night at the museum 2.hilarious. today gonna fly to kota baru in 3 hours time.

i dunno where ariff went.

howlee shaitzzz.

2009-05-16T06:55:00.003+08:00

alhamdulillah i passed exams. fasting here i come.

sometimes i wonder, am i heartless or am i just numb with it? 'it' referring to all these shitty things happening in our world today.

i read reen's blog a moment ago here. frankly, the boy to me is just another death. one out of millions who could not get medical services in the world. is it the doctor's fault? partly yes. government? partly yes. religion? i dunno. maybe, but how so?

even if we know who's at fault, what can we do? besides ranting to no avail, boycotting to no avail, etc.
what can we do?
pray for the best? sighness.

i think i'm so numb with the world that nothing surprises me anymore.

the only thing that came across my mind while watching that video posted on reen's blog is:
"hmmm that boy most probably had VSD cos its the most common congenital defect. 9 most common congenital diseases are summed with the mnemonics 3 blue babies, 3 blocked pipes and 3 holes."

holy shit i'm so nerdy.

2009-05-13T12:19:00.001+08:00

aite. exam's over. results will be out on friday apparently. daym. pray i pass pls =]

tmr

2009-05-10T09:19:00.001+08:00

nuff said.

2 days to go.

2009-05-08T18:18:00.002+08:00

my mood is fluctuating like mad now. one minute i'm okay, another i'm panicky.

sighness.

saw this posted one facebook. i find it really cute la. haha.

why don't we have more manglish songs like this? its catchy, cute and fun =]

you'll never get to heaven if you're scared of getting high

2009-05-04T22:17:00.005+08:00

depends on how you interpret it really. haha. sexually high or high in morality?

so anyways meet cori. yeah, from cori cycle. if you're not doing biochemistry, google it. there's this trend amongst my batchmates to name their new pets with names from medical textbooks. medical students are so nerdy even when they try not to be. haha. and we're proud of it okay! [most of us la atleast].

exam is one day shy of a week from today. sighness. i'm reading about genetics now.

liewliew i don't think you read my blog, but still, i miss you. its your birthday tmr and i know you'll have fun =] i shall email you asap. right after my exams. i promise =]

happy birthday hime. missing you like crazy.

be a good girl there k? :p

wish me luck for my exams ppl. will need it so the very much.

could it be any harder?

2009-05-01T19:33:00.002+08:00

enough paranoia. enough lethargy. enough malaise.

i. need. to. study.

i somehow see myself sitting for the supplement exams. fcuk.

aku bernazar kalau pass exam ni dgn sekali cubaan, aku akan berpuasa 7hari berturut-turut. insyaAllah.

yum yum tom yumm...

2009-04-30T22:13:00.002+08:00

this whole thing [plus watermelon juice juice] is only 25 bux.
whoot. and i'm addicted to black canyon.

exam. is. so. near.

Tan Hong Ming in Love

2009-04-26T22:37:00.000+08:00

.

2009-04-23T22:04:00.002+08:00

i'm paranoid.
:(

no idea

2009-04-23T22:04:00.001+08:00

do you?
are you sure?

Emotion

2009-04-23T01:11:00.003+08:00

once in a while my chinese slang will suddenly blurt out of me and it feels so funny la. and nostalgic. haha. its been 3 years post-highschool but it feels like aeons ago.

me: eh apsal keta tu brenti kat situ eh? sial btol letak keta tga jalan.
fren: rosak kot.
me: ya la hor..
fren: .............. ya la what??

hahaha. nway, apparently exams is 17 days away. daym.

i'm officially panicky now.

yet i still had time to go perfume shopping just now. haha. yes. perfume. wth is wrong with pampering myself huh??huh??? :p
hence i got myself this:

Hugo Boss Emotion.
it smells nothing like me. haha.

i stumbled upon this really really cool website, albeit an extremely emo one. check it out here.

secrets and regrets. everyone has it. it's just how well they hide it.

do the zombie!!

2009-04-19T12:28:00.002+08:00

i think i'm in love.

liya sayang, i'm extremely sorry but now you have to share my love... with nellie mckay.

do the zombie! ^.^

ups and downs. and ups. and... stop lah!

2009-04-17T23:30:00.004+08:00

last week was so much fun i nearly forgot exam is around the corner. hung out with fun ppl. catch up with what's been happening. met her ^.^ great week, great week.

happy streak ended yesterday, sadly. i had a sinking feeling two days back pertaining going back on thursday, but i ignored it. i thought i was just worried since there was so many freak accidents along the north-south highway, little did i know it was something else.

happily i visited lakhan and mum b4 driving back to ipoh. around 2pm, i started my trip back, but felt too hungry so i stopped at the sungai buloh R&R. left the laptop bag in the car. yes. a really stupid thing to do. usually the bag would be in front so i'd notice it b4 going out thus bringing it with me. but yesterday, b4 noon, i gave a ride to my old friend and had put the bag on the back seat.

came back to the car after buying lunch, and its gone. my new camera, my laptop, my MSSK notes, and worst; my hard disk drive =.=" i treasure memorable pictures so so so much. now most of it is gone. sigh.

was so angry, annoyed, frustrated but mostly i was deeply disappointed that day. felt like crying, quite surprised that i didn't.

oh well. i must've done sumtin wrong that You decide to smite me with this incident aye?

i lost my choc sweater too =] atleast i know to whom.

Lord please forgive my wrongdoings. i'm just a weak human.

ps: life should be nuts, or else its just a bunch of thursdays strung together.

of needs and cravings.

2009-04-14T19:23:00.002+08:00

i crave: having fun

i need: to study

fine qeela. i do look rempit. so what?? XP

please?

2009-04-09T00:51:00.001+08:00

nak balik. yay!

this is how You remind me what i really am.

2009-04-07T13:55:00.002+08:00

i think i've felt this sense of utter hopelessness before. but it was so long ago that i vaguely remember this irksome state of mind, till now.

you know how sometimes you walk on a path so long that after awhile you forget where you were going? hmm. i'm feeling a little lost now.

like a black goat in the middle of a city.

once upon a time...

2009-04-06T14:51:00.003+08:00

i was at tasik kenyir with my family.... and boy was i fat.

my tendency to bite my gums/innerlips repeatedly while having meals is an apparent indicator that i'm getting fatter... says danial. but how la to migrate the fats on my tummy onto my hands and other parts of the body? the only place that seems to grow is between my chest and groin. huarghh!!

exams exams go away,

come again another day,

little hyder wants to play,

so come again another day.... wait... don't come back at all la better :P

i wanna get lost in your rock and roll.

2009-04-04T14:48:00.001+08:00

gone are the days where we can sit for hours doing nothing.

bored

2009-04-03T02:28:00.001+08:00

was bored so decided to do this photo edit kinda thing. hopefully what i'm holding does not have a weird meaning.

exam is so near. huhuu.. pronator teres. keratinocytes. calcitonin. flexor carpi ulnaris.

hmmm...

uniquely ipoh.

2009-03-31T21:05:00.004+08:00

wes'term' foods.

produce of belgium.

Raibow sherbet flavoured ice cream

teksi what?

so uniquely ipoh =]

because it repeats.

2009-03-29T12:41:00.004+08:00

okay these few weeks has been really kind to me. too much fun i tell you. its not good, cos now i'm panicky for exams. haha.

nway exam is around the corner. a weeks time to module exam and 5weeks time to finals. inside, i'm panicking like mad. i've never failed even once in my life. not wanting to fail alone is too much pressure on me. k k. its not too late. i'm gonna start studying seriously now.

yesterday i watched 2 movies, bought a new pair of shoes, a new tie and had many doses of happiness. blissful day, but not quite complete. i miss you sayang. i wish i was there in selangor. i wish you're here studying with me. i seriously do. i miss you so so much.

i guess when we reach a certain point in life where we feel like we're a better person, we'll tend to look back and realise nothing changed. even if it did, its so different than what we imagined we'd be. some things in life just keeps on happening. its called a cycle because it repeats. duh.

my new shades =]

dan and i

skipping class for bowling =.=" fun though.

trying to show our nerdiness.

okay atleast we studied a bit la. haha.

am i?

2009-03-07T11:35:00.002+08:00

there were few remarks since a couple of weeks ago that i was getting thinner, all came from random friends. i thought, ala its nothing lah.

this morning while i was hanging my laundry, the aunty nextdoor said, "eh, apa pasal suda manyak kuros?? muka suma sudah dalam. itu hari masa u pindah banyak gemok taw.''

i was shocked la rite... am i that thin now?? it's been awhile since i last looked closely in the mirror la. so i went back to my room and looked into the mirror. i saw:

holy macaroni! hahaha.

sigh. MARA, please give me my loan money b4 i die of famine.

i wanna be as fat as i was b4 i went to pasum. huhuuu. like this:

unity, disunity.

2009-03-06T11:14:00.004+08:00

sometimes, looking around, even among my friends, i find that each race in malaysia keep it to themselves. the unity is just superficial. malays with malays. chinese with chinese. north indians with north indians. indians with indians.

not to say there aren't ppl who look past skin colour for friendship, but this species is so scarce that when i see two different race walking together i fell so pleasently relieved.

what IS holding most of us together?

for half a century, what did?

for the next century, what will?

i used to blame it on the English. when they came here with their divide-n-conquer concept, separating races was the only way to prevent revollts.

but now i blame the malays. the chinese. the indians. equally.

ppl are now forgetting history, and it is bound to repeat. when it does, we have to start from scratch again.

ppl are now forgetting the need to understand. EVERYTHING is now too 'sensitive'.

the system is failing not because of flaws in the system, but the people in it.

some wants to change so drastically. some don't want to change at all.

change is inevitable, but should never be so sudden.

but most malays don't understand, most chinese don't understand, most indians don't understand.

i hope i don't live to see it if the unity crumbles completely.

i hope i live to see it if the unity becomes strong perpetually.

every country has their own problems and i'm pretty sure theirs are much worse than ours.

you're always on my mind.

2009-02-24T22:26:00.002+08:00

Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have.
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have.
Little things I should have said & done,
I just never took the time.

But you were always on my mind.

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times.
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine.
If I made you feel second best,
Girl, I'm sorry I was blind.

You were always on my mind

Tell me that your
Sweet love hasn't died.
Give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied.

You're always on my mind.

ka-ching

2009-02-23T12:39:00.003+08:00

come to think of it, finals is only 10weeks away. =.="

i'm out of cash. where the fcuk is my loan money?? 5As, 8As, 12As, 3.89, I FCUKING DESERVE SOMETHING LA FOR GOD'S SAKE! ! ! ! ! ! !

i need endless supply of cash. maybe i should be a politician in the opposition, then cross over for 10million bux. i dont call it bribery. i call it 'insentives'.

i'm quite pissed at those who are in medic school yet they actually wanna do something else. okay la not your fault cos your parents forced you. finish the bloody course la. atleast try. and if you really can't do medic, MAKE YOUR DECISION EARLIER LA! IDIOTIC PARENTS. I COULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT SCHOLARSHIP PLACE RIGHT??? and if i did i wont feel so pennyless now. hahaha.

anyway, on a brighter note, new module. musculoskeletal. means many of those shitty action potential stuff in the muscles again. argh! wait. did i say brighter note?

on an even brighter note........

..... .... okay can't think of any.

bastard politicians. instead of going catfight at each other, why dont you motherfuckers think of a way to make students like me study happily? i need my LOAN money la pricks. its a fcuking LOAN! not even a scholarship. GIVE.ME.MY.FCUKING.LOAN.MONEY!!!!!!!!

alright. feel much better. can i like send the above paragraph to all politicians in malaysia? any ideas on where to post it?

samdol!

2009-02-19T13:50:00.003+08:00

pharmacology exam question:

name a drug that has a long term beta agonist effect.

________________ (1mark)

hyder's mind:

"hua hua hua! senang je ni!!!! salbutamol!" *writes down salbutamol*

*looking at his answer and smiling gleefully*

"................... eh wait.. salbutamol is short term effect"

*cancels salbutamol*

"............salmon.... samlee.... samdol... samseng..... samsol ghau ghau...."

".........................................fuck! wtf is long acting beta agonist??!!!"

*panic attack*

*tried answering other questions*

*repeat cycle of I-KNOW-THE-ANSWER-BUT-I-FORGOT-THE-BLOODY-NAME cycle*

sheesh.. what a paper =.="

i think if i remembered the answer was salmeterol, i wouldn't have that panic attack and thus able to answer many other questions.

da lepas... nak bwat camne.... pasrah je laaaa....

2009-02-14T17:24:00.000+08:00

ARGH. panic attack =.="

Jack of Trades

2009-02-09T20:01:00.000+08:00

exam is near. i'm tired of repeating the same process, but i guess its just a habit of mine; being panicky and all.

so far i haven't failed any exams in my life. not once in primary school. not once in high school. not once in matriculation. and so far, none here.

yet i never thought my academical achievement is something to be proud of.

eventhough i never failed, i never actually excelled tremendously in any particular subject. i was good in physics, yeah, but never the best.

jack of all trades, master of none; this jack is someone i don't wanna be.

i prefer, hyder of many trades, master of few. haha.

at the moment, i can say that i'm contented with my life. but to say that i'm truly happy? i don't think most people are. most will think they are happy, but it's only superficially. of course there are those who are lucky enough to have lives on beds of roses.

i want MORE in life. i want to DO MORE. i want to HAVE MORE.

easier said than done, to change that attitude of contention i have, that's the huge boulder on the route i choose.

watched Benjamin Button. a really good movie, worth watching twice. also a good movie to make you feel grateful for still being alive.

ps: i really miss my fun friends, andrewngcheetat, ramlakhannandrajog, amiraimanmokhtar.

Furry Boy

2009-02-07T21:24:00.003+08:00

a friend like you is hard to come by.

i've been missing you. now you're leaving, i'll be missing you more.

(no homo intended)

Pessimists and Parachutes

2009-02-07T12:43:00.005+08:00

eventhough i try to be balanced in my thoughts regarding everything, i can't help but think myself as a pessimist.

i always think abt the worst that could happen. it annoys some ppl i know. right now it's annoying me too.

cos i had a hunch that something was fishy yesterday evening.

went to make sure about some stuff.

found out that one of my close friends is lying to me.

urgh.

they say, 'optimists created the aeroplane, pessimists invented parachutes' thus both shud co-exist well. the problem is when those optimists don't want parachutes on their aeroplanes! when the optimists fly their plane secretly from the pessimists without parachutes in it, obviously the latter is annoyed!! urgh.

sigh. i think the pessimist is only being protective and wants the optimist to stay on the ground with him instead of flying away, but optimist did it secretly, and lied to him. urgh.

if you wanna lie, plan properly la. cos a lie is never wrong if nobody knows it's not true.

but if you know me long enough, you'd know that lying to me is just futile. its hard for me to figure out a secret, but lies... i see through them most of the times.

bloody pessimistic bugger

2009-02-06T04:00:00.001+08:00

i'm sick....
i want company...

Secrets

2009-02-04T16:20:00.002+08:00

currently listening to 'Dirty Little Secret' by The All American Rejects.

when we live such fragile lives, it's the best way we survive.

true aye? i think secrets molds a person to be who he is. and how significantly the secret shapes a person's life, only two know; himself and God.

what if the whole personality of a person you know is a secret? what if the veil's uncovered, and all your perceptions abt him is different from who he really is.

will things still be the same?

high heels and bangles

2009-02-03T16:28:00.005+08:00

i miss

so much! =(

Linger

2009-02-02T20:00:00.000+08:00

at this very moment, i'm listening to Linger by Danni Carlos.

she's hot and her version of linger sounds sadder

at this very moment, i'm lying on the bed in the dark wishing i'm a cat.

how i wish

at this very moment, i'm thinking of how many people in the world are really suffering, thinks they're suffering, or not suffering at all.

really suffering

thinks they're suffering

happy motherfucking asshole

at this very moment, i feel a little sad.

at this very moment, i feel a little happy.

at this very moment, i'm just confused.

2009-01-31T03:04:00.003+08:00

ho ho ho! behold the irony!

the ability to sleep on a microscope in class.

the inability to sleep while feeling tired, on the bed.

again. i'm exhausted.

2009-01-29T23:56:00.003+08:00

i need to catch up with sleep. i think my eye bag is 5kg by now. i think the last 96 hours i only had 10 hours of sleep. catching up with bren, alvin, melanie, adilla, risha, dil, lala, firdy, rissa, mizah, asiah, addie, lyssa..... makes me really feel old la. these catching up things. it has only been 3 years since we all left highschool, but meeting up againn now makes it feel aeons ago.

still need to meet up with ina, qeela, shanny, lakhan and cheechean.

family went on their usual jjcm craze again. fyi, my family have this habit of looking for new places for dining. we kinda call it jjcm, short for JalanJalanCariMakan.

i hate it when they do that, cos they'll somehow chose days when i'm famished.

this time its a fishermen's village in pulau indah, klang. journey took nearly an hour. place was quite hulu. but food was great. the view to me was picturesque. priceless.

the only crappy thing was there were too many flies around. mangrove swamp la, can't expect too much rite?

a picture i took there:

beautiful aye?

whatever cadaver.

2009-01-26T18:23:00.004+08:00

holidays! already three days and i'm still slacking in revising for exams. two weeks to go goddamnit.

happy CNY to all my chinese friends.

oh oh i have a new cousin! not the one in the pix la. a new born boy.

*edit: happy CNY to all my chinese friends, my half-chinese friends, my quarter-chinese friends, an to all who celebrates today as a new year =p savvy?

puppies

2009-01-21T22:56:00.004+08:00

yesterday my streak of 2 weeks of joy was officially ended.

you know how when you're happy you tend to overlook certain things? well what i overlooked was a really shitty thing to do la. i guess back home if this happened, its nothing of a big deal. but you're in ipoh la motherfucker, not PJ, don't forget that.

yes mizah, i know you'll say 'tu la, dulu soh dok kat UM je tanak, nak gak g ipoh tu. padan muke'

sigh. nway i'm so tired of falling la. everytime i'm in a happy state, something is surely there to pull me back down to earth. this particular pull is a bit painful.

on another note, i'm exhausted. i'm gonna let go of my 'position' in the committee after holidays. if possible la. it seems a lil irresponsible. but wtf right, the last time i looked, being responsible put me in a shithole.

happier days always look so blurred

i found this funny quote; Just when you think life's a bitch, it has PUPPIES!

changes

2009-01-18T18:46:00.004+08:00

its pretty sad that when ppl change, they kinda forget the past completely, thus usually severing relationships with certain people in the process. i've seen many ppl change. for better or for worse, i'm happy for them seriously, cos however it seems to look like to others, changing personality is a sign of paradigm shift in a person's life. and that's life; continuous changes for the sake of survival. hence, it's actually good to change, means you're living your life well.

i haven't found many like me though; unnecessarily nostalgic, not willing to accept changes.

one by one i see bonds becoming thinner, relationships becoming distant. to a point where i'm afraid to be attached to anyone anymore. it's quite frustrating.

i know people come and go, but i don't want them to go.

i know everyone will eventually change, but why change completely? it's not that you were not perfect before.

there's actually a simple solution to this needless annoyance of mine, but to me it's so hard to abide to.

ignorance is usually bliss. knowledge is power. connect the dots yourself.

2009-01-16T17:25:00.005+08:00

was just being my lackadaisical self and walking around the college, talking with people... it makes my day la talking to ppl.

thsi habit of mine are sure to be my undoing la someday. but screw it la, i love it. so i'll enjoy it as long as i can.

nway, the point of this post is, while talking to this person that person..... i hear that someone was complaining abt me behind my back! haha.

its not that i havent complained abt anyone b4 in my life, he has a point to complain la. but behind me?

am i that scary? hahaha. funny la some ppl. i won't eat you la. if you wanna know the reason, question the person giving you that reason la rite? obviously there's an answer to it.

for example, anonymous, i have a vague idea who you are. i don't get why you're so angry and then don't pick up the phone when i call. sigh. how do i explain myself if u don't wanna hear me out?

nway, my results are out. C+ again. its annoying that so many ppl gets higher marks then i do. once a kiasu always a kiasu la huh? atleast i'm a healthy kiasu. haha. i miss my healthy kiasu friends la. the malay brand of kiasu is so irksome la. they study then keep quiet abt it. why not say you're studying so your friends can study too, then you can see how good you REALLY are.

i mean, if i study, u dont study. then i get higher marks. so what right?

but then if i study, u study. i get lower marks, means i'll have to improve!

on the other hand, i study u study. i get higher, then you'll study harder!

what happened to healthy peer competitions??? huhuuu.... i miss highschool.

i guess...

2009-01-15T04:19:00.002+08:00

i guess if i want this bloody expensive sweater, i have to start saving for it. in other words, keep on dreaming asshole! haha.

i'm so famished i think i need a bloody spicy chicken mcdeluxe, but i guess since there's this boycotting going on, i can only buy it at night. oops. i mean i cannot buy it!

i guess you should not expect too much from life itself, cos it'll fuck you up upside down straight through your asshole all the way up your throat. haha. i need to know what i did wrong though.

i guess if you're so-the-very-hungry yet you can rearrange your food to look like boobies, you're just plain lame and horny la. haha.

most importantly, i guess if i wanna do really well in final exams, i must start revising now. buck up man!!

Wake in a sweat again,
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace.
Stuck in my head again,
Feels like I'll never leave this place.
There's no escape.
I'm my own worst enemy.

I've given up.
I'm sick of feeling,
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away.
I'm suffocating.
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me.

I don't know what to take.
Thought I was focused but I'm scared,
I'm not prepared.

I hyperventilate.
Looking for help somehow somewhere.
And no one cares.

I'm my own worst enemy.
I've given up.
I'm sick of feeling,
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away.
I'm suffocating.
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me.

i guess, i haven't given up yet. or have i? ...........nahhhh =]

BACK!

2009-01-08T02:19:00.003+08:00

okay. a month ago my laptop broke down, so i couldnt blog for three weeks, last week it got fixed, but i was busy bucking up from after-holidays-blues. so here i am now. hmmmm...

two weeks of holidays was kinda boring, fun when with friends la. and when with her ^.^

unlike some luckier ppl who spent their holidays in korea, UK or wateva country there is on this globe, i spent the new year at home. yes. home. waiting for my relatives from tganu to arrive. bloody long wait. while all my friends were out watching fireworks together i was at home. alone. waiting. till 2am in the morning.

...things i do for family. i love them though. i just hate the 5-hour-wait.

liewliew left for the US, yet another important person going to a faraway land (trying to be dramatic here).

ahh... theres so much to do, so little time.
and this new year, the only thing to 'celebrate' is the fact that im no longer a teenager. and i feel like a haven't accomplished my aims from last year.
so! no new resolutions this year. same old ones.
try to be a better person than the day before.

oh, and.... i'm kinda getting used to all this fucked up annoyance around me. i guess, maybe i did something wrong and its a karma.

have to start blaming myself instead of the surrounding huh? but i need a pair of ears to listen to my rantings. sigh.

still searching.

oh i do have a new resolution! swim more often!
pitures pictures!

i met this guy who looks like homer and kinda act like one too. imagine a chinese version of homer..... creeeeeeepy.

batch gathering where one third of the ppl were playing nintendo Wii upstairs. actually only two were playing and the rest were drooling. me excluded okay.

with bren and claire =]

not the same.

2008-12-12T11:32:00.003+08:00

damn. 2 weeks since i last posted. the one week off was great la. catching up with oldmates, meeting new ones, spending time with her though only for awhile....

but that urge to spend less and save more money just disappeared when i reached kl. haha.

1st meal in kl:

all in all i spent nearly 200bux in a week. sigh.

holiday is so fun yet depressing when you're not rich.

nway, on tuesday i drove all the way to ipoh to be in class on time, just to find out that it was cancelled =.=

so i spent the day cleaning my room, changing my room's layout and all, just to find out i have the possibility to move out soon. sigh.

then planned to hang out with certain so-called-friends at night, just to find out that they were going for a movie without me. great friends huh?

bang bang!

................

i called you a fortnight ago, u said you were having exams and you'd call back later. but you never did. the fact that i found out that you're leaving for the US at the end of this month is really saddening. and the fact that i found out abt it from someone else devastates me even more. you once said you just change how you look. but you're wrong, you changed who you are altogether.

................

i got a new bike! a bicycle mind you. i don't ride motorbikes. and i'm having this urge to go bowling. haha. 1st time getting above 100 marks yesterday, whee!

how much i miss you? you have no idea. you're the one not missing me enough.

...................

gona check out my might-be-new-home after prayers.

kiss and tag!

2008-11-25T23:02:00.004+08:00

rm70 thousand mannequin for cardiopulmanary resuscitation studies. i had the CPR course last week. yes, i'm a qualified person to give CPR now. you know, the 'kiss of life' =p i know you want it!

MRI room like you see in the House series. Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine. only 1 tesla unit of magnetic force. able pull an oxygen tank from 5 meters away.

the rm16 thousand swing to rehabilitate autistic/hyperactive/traumatic patients.

i was pulling a 20kg weigh. i kid you not! its not that heavy in that position.

two days back, on sunday night to be exact, i came home around eleven, tired, exhausted, only to find my form5 housemate having a drug overdose. he took 12 tablets of panadols at one shot, for reasons i cannot mention here.

for those who doesnt know, overdosage of drugs can lead to kidney and liver failure. thus forcing oneself to be in a dialysis center for 4 hours everyweek to undergo haemodialysis 3 times a week. one dialysis session is nearly 200bux. plus medications cost nearly 900bux per month. do the math. so if you wanna commit suicide, DO NOT take drugs; just jump off a bloody building.

so i had to take him to the emergency department at the hospital. waited 1 hour to clean his stomach. waited another hour to admit him to the ward. went to his boarding school to inform his teacher at 2.30 in the morning; luckily there was one. went home twice to fetch his phone and examination tools. he had some drawing-related exam the next day for SPM.

the only fun part was i got to spend half an hour with this bloody hot junior doctor.

oh, seetah's tag:

1. Take a picture of yourself right now.
2. Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair... just take a picture.
3. Post that picture with NO editing.
4. Post these instructions with your picture.
5. Tag 5 people to do this.
.

i tag andrew, mingjann, and shihxuan. three ppl enough lah. haha.

exhausted.

2008-11-22T15:12:00.003+08:00

the week has been so tiring that a handicapped guy had to push me around on a wheelchair. haha. i'm not that mean la. ivan's leg is perfectly normal.

note to self; one week holiday coming soon. have to tidy up room and rearrange notes asap! yesterday was the 1st tiem i had a nosebleed with no particular reason. it was at night in a McD. weird weird. fuel prices down, kinda bad for the world economics but good enough for me.

money money money... it never seems to be sufficient.

to all my medical friends practicing the semester system, goodluck in your upcoming finals.

i was a lil annoyed few days back. about some girls wanna watch guys play football. haha. i was playing too and the thing is, i can't really be sure; i hate them watching because some of them are annoyingly persistent abt ppl i don't like in the team, or is it because i suck in football so i don't want them to watch? hmmm... maybe its a blend of both.

i have ego too la. though i think i scratched off most of it during highschool, SOME ego won't go off forever i guess.

i'm just a human being.

reminder; tagged by seetah

Dry....

2008-11-19T19:03:00.002+08:00

after two weeks of happiness and laughter, suddenly i stopped feeling good half an hour ago.

all of a sudden, SNAP!

hurmmm... maybe my happiness hormone just dried up.

i don't know.

2008-11-18T18:22:00.007+08:00

couldn't update this past fortnight. i was actually admitted to the hospital. see? i even have an IV drip on me. sobs. the story is, i was driving then i saw this hot lady. so following my nature, my eyes trailed her then WHAM! broken hand and losing blood badly. sobs. i'm typing this with one hand if you're wondering ;p

nway,

hyder spike hair leh, once in a blue moon antic

i think i'm too thin la. i wanna be bigger. i mean big sized la. how how? everything i eat seems to just flush through me all the way down. absorb more la body! lazy ass body, just like the owner. haihz. today learnt how to take blood pressure. systolic. diastolic. hurmmm.

this humongous machine here is actually for detecting and calculating the exact percentages of your glucose, lipids, carbs, and other minute substances in our blood. put the tube of blood at one end, wait till it pops out at the other end, then print out results.

wow...

biohealth technology is really developing rapidly it makes me wonder in awe: 'why are more people getting diseases when we humans are getting better at detecting them?'

i think there's a perfectly good answer for that; 'i don't know.'

oh, madagascar 2 is freaking hillarious la. though there are mushy-mushy parts that made it a lil annoying, but its a comedy well done. worth watching twice in cinema.

fai you can do it! study study!

do you...

2008-11-06T19:40:00.003+08:00

see me?

cos i sometimes don't see myself. what do people see in themselves? is it what we see in ourselves? do i see what you see in me? what do you see in me? an arrogant bastard who looks down on others? a goodie goodie guy with a hidden intention when talking to others? i wonder what do people see in me.

you can tell whether a person adores or loathes or even look down on you by the way they look at you. how they avoid eye contact. how they speak awkwardly with you. how they have nothing to say to you. how they look at you and give that pretentious smile.

but but... they're good ppl. they just don't know you so they look down on you cos they're judging you by your cover! (small voice on your right shoulder says)

who are they to judge ppl like that? they're not even great themselves! the fuck they thinking they're so good? (small voice on your left shoulder argues)

ohwell.

isn't he adorable??? =] the baby la not me!

i do....

2008-11-05T20:22:00.004+08:00

tend to look rempit-ish at times. haha.

exam was bloody effing hard. tmr got two more papers. goddamnpplwhocreatedexamstohell.

Tomorrow...

2008-11-04T12:00:00.003+08:00

i'll be sitting for an exam. i don't feel confident. i don't feel good. exams have that effect on me. i'm nauseated all day long. everytime exams come, you can see all sorts of colors in people. sometimes even in your closest of friends. how diligent a person can be. how selfish. heck why am i observing other people now? wrong priority!

observing myself.... there's a psychological cycle regarding exams in my network of neurons.

procrastinate in studies --> exams near --> study last minute --> panic --> swear to self that i'll study consistently after this exam ---> panic like shit! ---> EXAMS (still panicking like shit) --> exams over ---> enjoy --> procrastinate ---> repeat cycle

yeah. right now i'm at the Panic-Like-Shit phase.

AAAARGH!

i wanna have fun!

Grasping Leaves

2008-11-01T15:41:00.005+08:00

look at her... adorable and asleep... cute and calm... she's the 2nd greatgranddaughter of my grandfather. in a few years time she's gonna call me uncle azad. haha.

babies are so... pure. they know nothing. zero responsibility. zero thoughts. yet they are so beautiful. so beautiful that it's annoying. well it's not the baby that's annoying. it's the fact that our carefree time has long past, that's annoying.

did we cherish the time we had last time?

how much time did we waste doing nothing?

how different are we now compared to then?

am i a better person?

am i worse?

in certain aspects maybe. i wanna change. but the time to change has flown to far from reach.

its like... wind blowing leaves in front of you. u look at it. u try to grab it, but its already too far.u can't chase it, u try catching new leaves passing infront of you. but you fumble. you can't grasp it. you look forward so u'll be able to grab incoming leaves. but the breeze is too strong you cant even open your eyes. you stretch out your hands, clench it....

but there's nothing there.

the leaves are those time and opportunities that flew/flying by us.

so how do you grab the moment? how do you grab what you want, not what you have to take? how do you be the person you want to be, not the person you have to be?

i am trying to grab a leaf right now. what abt you?

blame your cat!

2008-10-30T22:00:00.003+08:00

holy cow, its been ages since i last updated. exactly....one month since i last signed in. huhuuu... i'm sorry bloggie. i promise i'll give you more attention. *caressing my laptop*

okay this past month hasnt been the best in my life la. but then again, i cant remember any month which is notably better than another.

i miss the old life. a lil bit more carefree, less responsibility, better friends, less complications.

for most of us we can't choose the life that we want. yet here we are doing what we never thought we'd do. sometimes we can't be someone with the attitude that we'd like. but here we are being the person we dont wanna be yet helpless abt it.

have you tried changing? duh?? who hasn't? but why are you still like that? blame environment. blame government. blame parents. blame friends. you should blame yourself, your inner voice says. but are you to blame for not being able to be the person u wanna be? yes you are. is the government to blame too? of course! your grandparents? your cats? your siblings? ofcourse! cos like it or not, we are all affected by our surrounding.

i wanna stop being lazy. i wanna stop being a whiner. i wanna stop thinking i'm always right.

but i am hyder aazad.

ANDREW NG CHEE TAT I AM MISSING YOU LIKE SHIT WEI.

BRENDAN JAMES DE CRUZ GO STUDY FOR YOUR STPM.

LIUNG MIAO SHAN I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE FOREVER.

RAM LAKHAN NANDRAJOG I MISS THE OLD TIMES.

NABIL ZHAFRI YAHAYA BILER KO NAK BALIK NEIH?

FATIN ADLIA ARIFIN I AM DESPERATE FOR YOU.

pergh... my exam is next wednesday. hematology, immunology, genetics and oncology.

pernicious anemia, beta-thalassemia, hemophilia A, HIV, Acute myeloid Leukemia, and the list goes on.... someone remind me why did i choose medic again?

seriously, why?

oh thats why...

study study...

2008-09-30T17:29:00.001+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL.

I'M SINCERELY SORRY FOR ALL THE THINGS I DID OR DID NOT DO THAT MADE ANYONE FEEL ANY SORT OF UNEASINESS.

intense argument.

2008-09-29T08:55:00.005+08:00

browsing through my msn group, i saw this argument:

From: candy93cane

Meep

From: oxp

deep

From: AceFlareX57

water

From: oxp

Bottle

From: candy93cane

Wow, I'm so proud of these deep intense arguments I sparked :')

From: oxp

Ditto

From: Cableguy™

Dildo...

From: Chill92

gay

From: N?mi™

k

From: oxp

pay

From: candy93cane

OK this is starting to turn into spam....

haha. the wonderful minds of bored people.

nways, things are patching up. studies are not. damn.

everyone's kinda excited abt raya. raya raya raya. i don't feel the it though. sadness.

the thing is.... sometimes we are reminded of the dark side of life, then we feel down for being so powerless to do anything abt it. have you? recently?

no, not the dark side as in our own problems in life. everybody gets doses of those continuously. what i mean is the problems of the world. religion, racial, political, economical etc wise. there's no point worrying abt them really, cos aforementioned, we being so puny in this tremendously vast universe, are we able to change whats been going on since forever?

ohwell. money makes me happy. so please flow to me.

murphy's law

2008-09-24T17:06:00.002+08:00

argh. insomnia. argument. accident.

the most unfortunate events will happen at the most unfortunate moment.

kepenatan.

2008-09-19T05:43:00.004+08:00

as the title suggests, i'm feeling so tired these past few days. no idea why, cos its not like i've been doing so much work lately. have to buck up and start studying too. everyone seems so diligently revising everyday, but somehow they don't boost my desire to catch up at all. hmmm...

on tuesday night(wednesday morning precisely), around 3am, khairi, zarul, dan, iylman, and i went searching for my CAS patient's house. i wanted to search for it cos i don't wanna be late when i pay my compulsary visit the next day. the rest tagged along just to kill time. so we searched and searched. actually i did all the searching. the others were happily drooling and snoring away to slumberland. cheh. to make a short story long, police saw me going out of an industrial area and stopped me to ask me questions. i don't mind the suspicion cos it was 4 in the morning, but the manner of those officer is really really shitty. i know la you all wanna get extra duit raya. but if you cannot extort some rasuah money from me, don't la be so angry.

nway, on a happier note, i actually found santa clause's brother! he actually lives in ipoh!

contrary to popular belief, santa clause is actually indian. that explains the really bushy moustache and beard!

random pix:

a bunch of us stoning at jj =]

wrest-pun-say-bill-it-eyy

2008-09-13T20:44:00.002+08:00

i'm back in selangor for 2 days. this week has been so tiring. arsenal better win to make my day. i'm suddenly reminded of those highschool days again. thinking back, those days there were so little responsibilities to carry on our shoulders. haha. how i wish we can re-live those carefree days even for a short period of time...

that lady in the middle is actually our physics teacher. totally forgotten her name =[

having such a terrible headache right now. regarding exams, it was okay la. hopefully can pass. if possible im hoping for a B- hopefully la...

i need someone to make me smile...

2008-09-11T11:07:00.003+08:00

goddamit exam is so frustrating. one paper was too hard. another paper was too simple. but both papers can't answer well =.= seriously hope i can pass. last paper is 3 hours from now. lets stuff bacteria names into my brain!

congrats qeela =] knew it was coming!

btw u owe me a CD =p

2008-09-10T00:05:00.003+08:00

i don't want to FAIL

never failed any paper in my lifetime, i don't wanna start ever =[ huhuuuu... but tmr exams. i still got no confidence. huhuuuuuuu........

2008-09-09T06:39:00.001+08:00

exam is so near.....

but this is still a common sight in the lecture theatre.

oh did i mention i'm bald?

vicissitudes

2008-09-07T09:28:00.004+08:00

its been a month since i last updated. time sure flies.

ipoh has been friendlier to me each passing day. i guess i've grasp the idea of me stranded here for the next 5 years. friends are making it easier (and harder) to cope. but i still miss those highschool cliques... no replacement man. let me reiterate that i miss you bastards like hell man.

talking abt coping. exam is in 3 days. really something new for me. all subjects combined in 3 types of papers. hmm... hopefully can cope la. i really shouldn't leave it till last minute to study =.= my lackadaisical studying isn't bringing me anywhere. give me the push please oh God...

speaking of leaving. people come. people go. i have learnt to accept that notion in life. but then, when we're that close to someone, you atleast expect himm/her to say goodbye. i'm really heartbroken. atleast say goodbye. its not that i can't understand why you do it.

also about leaving, my man CB is gonna leave for aberdeen in a few weeks time; michelle jane leaving for cambridge at the same time, and aiman, aniq, kre, aliaa leaving for egypt in a few days. good luck my friends. i know u'll all do well there.

especially u CB, i know u can cope. i'll be back to see you next week =]

aqeela, yes its my fault misleading you abt my birth date! =p haha. you wished me anyways on that day although it was 2 weeks late. hehe thanx.

sayang, i miss you so much. bear with my antics till after my exams please?

random pics over the previous month.

my buddy muni =]

pui yee, hari, me

izyan emcee. me debate chairman

=')

2008-08-02T22:44:00.002+08:00

seriously, i love you guys =]

thanx to khairi and alyia, the reason i'm surviving here.

thanx to zarul, deshran, fifa, ekin, adila, syifaa, izyan, hope it'll go a long way.

thanx to brendan james de cruz, 11years of great friendship.

thanx to has and liewliew, missing you so much.

thanx to ming jann, never forgotten.

kak muni (thanx for the prezzie i love it =]), ummul, wan, dira, nikki, maymay, felix, alvin, maisarah, liyen, dil, syazana, man, hadi, zahhar, osman, dan, wan, muadz, amir, bal, shah, faris, nazmi, najib, aidi, i really appreciate it.

if i left out anyone, thousand apologies! but i do appreciate it =] thanx a million. i shall post more pix when i have em... haha.

i feel blessed.

last but not least, thanx to my parents, the reason im here. my brother, my blood.

and to her for being mine ^.^

i miss...

2008-07-28T16:31:00.003+08:00

being around lovable ppl...

being who we are...

being with her all the time...

heaven and earth

2008-07-26T21:04:00.005+08:00

ARGH! haven't blogged for so long. hmm... things are going smoothly here. i have a great buddy kak muni, will post pix when i have one. friends are okay. basically nothing much to complain abt la. oh wait. i need money. so anyone sympathetic enough to create a donation drive for me would be more than welcomed to.

on the way back to ipoh, i saw something so beautiful. maybe there were too many broken hearts that particular day, cos the heavens were touching the earth just to console us.

this also proves the proverb 'bagai langit dengan bumi' so so wrong.

anyways interesting coincidence; not only kak muni speaks like qeela, she stays and studied at the same place as her =.= freaky.

on another note;

slide no. 79, vagina and cervix. OMFG how did that fit in there???? ......lame i know... sorry. my point is actually, we parasited from UM!! HAH! take that UM medic students! i hope u guys dont have enough slides cos we took some from you! hua hua hua! just kidding la.

okay okay... back to researching abt diarrhoea.

2008-07-18T22:40:00.005+08:00

i'm back! but only for awhile la. getting the car and books then off to ipoh again. class is starting on monday. so will my life as a medical student. fuh. actually started ad la, just not officially.

nway, 1st thing was to hang out with mum. then off to visit brendan. he's down with dengue. but thank god he's getting better. and pretty adorable sexy nurses really help patients recuperate. no doubt abt it. haha.

get well quick bro.

i was thinking twice abt stopping by in UM to surprise her. but somehow this idiot(me) managed to get her angry b4 that and since the surprise didnt happen due to lack of plan, she didnt get the present b4 her activity started. sigh.

great la hyder. way to go man. waited one hour in front of the wrong gate. next time bring along a packet of extra blood la cos the mosquitoes seems to need more of your blood.

nway, home now, chit chat with dad. waiting for her activity to be done with.

oh oh! my lil kitty's grown a lil =]

but still dunno whether its a he or a she. i'm guessing its a he.

be proactive!

2008-07-17T18:47:00.007+08:00

todays briefing is mainly about being proactive. obviously noone can change overnight. maybe not ever, but still trying to change counts, who knows it'll be instilled unconciously in our children's minds. hence after a few generations, we malaysians can be truly strong and united.

sad to say the tradition of division according to race is also present here. i guess its just out of our hands. like i said though, continue with our principle, and just hope one day many ppl will share our perspectives in life. cos the strongest of principles will prevail. hopefully.

anyway! excerpts from todays motivational talk: BE PROACTIVE!

well proactivity is really lengthy to explain abt, but its antonym is reactive. so basically it means we shud plan ahead. start something with the end in mind. etc etc.

one noteworthy phrase from today is the definition of success. short and precise.

SUCCESS IS A PROGRESSIVE REALISATION OF A WORTHY IDEAL.

dunno wat it means? go buy some motivational books and find out. haha.

another interesting thing is the Law of Harvest;

when you sow thoughts, you will reap actions;

when you sow actions, you will reap habits;

when you sow habits, you will reap a character;

and when you sow your character, you reap your destiny.

btw, during the tour around our museum, i find a really touching specimen.

yes. a real foetus. aborted by a mum most probably.

oh and i decided to keep clean shaved face.

trying to look younger la. =p

2008-07-17T01:04:00.003+08:00

giler jeles. lame giler tunggu nak cakap dgn die. waited.... waited.... waited... one hour... slept off... borak sampai 12.30malam dgn buddy N FRENS. maybe i wont mind if its a gal. oh call me sensitive jealous bugger but its after midnite la for gods sake. sigh.

orientation and ipoh

2008-07-13T13:45:00.003+08:00

so its been one and a half week im here. surviving still la. have problems here and there but so far none i can't handle i guess.

1st week of orientation was okay. went to Nur Lembah Lenggong for camping cum orientation. maklum lah, unlike IPTAs with big big campus area, we have only one small compund in the middle of ipoh town.

BUT, there are pride of being here too i guess. supposedly we're the only private uni with our own cadavers. correct me if im wrong but wat i heard was IMU, CUCMS and other medical private uni has no cadavers for students. so basically they learn anatomy through books and atlas. another thing is our lecturers are quite experienced. mostly IPTA expatriates looking for better pay.

proud to say that this university is the only university without ANY KINd of debt. wat we pay is wat goes to management and lecturers, thus making lecturers more 'happy and dedicated'. haha.

official class starts next week. then my medicla student life will begin. phew. after so long waiting. im getting used to the idea that i'm not in IPTA, which i was still in denial till sometime ago. our programme is convincingly better than UM, UKM and USM. its following a module system that integrates all majors (anatomy, physiology and biochemistry) for evaluation.

its to make the students a more wholistic medical officers. and it's similar to UIA programme, University of sheffield, and dunno some other universities.

doctors are mostly local but theres a fairly considerable number of international doctors from abroad. on of my physiology lecturer is from india and has been teaching for more than 24 years. he's 58 years old man. really by-the-book kinda guy but still enjoyable to listen to him cos he is soooooooooo enthusiastic abt physiology. so far the lecturers i've seen are really good ones. and im grateful for that.

anyway ipoh has been nice to me. although it gets lonely at times. no there's no coursemate sharing house with me. all are random ppl from around this area. huhuuu.. luckily theres a few coursemates staying in the neighbourhood next to mine.

so all in all, im surviving. i miss you la. you. the one reading this right now.

so next briefing is at 2.30. i'm off to lunch now.

oh! there was this volkswagon competition near ipoh parade the other day. soooooooooooo many volkswagon.

but this one is my personal favourite =]

this one gets my vote for the coolest volks.

sooo many volks, but sooo lil ppl. really dead town la ipoh. haha

random joke:

patient: doctor, help me please, every night i have dreams that i play football all night long.

doctor: okay, take this pill, you won't have anymore dreams.

patient: can i take it tmr please? tonight is the finals.

a new one...

2008-07-08T07:34:00.005+08:00

atmosphere. room. environment. acquaintance.

a glimpse of my new room.

a glimpse of my campus.

a glimpse of my new gf.

2008-07-03T21:46:00.000+08:00

='(